Welcome to my World

This blog is filled with the things I love. Family, Nature, gardening, my pets, cooking in the fireplace, all things vintage, and the simple pleasures in life. Being a farmgirl at heart, I consider myself a 'Modern Day Laura'

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

We lost our other beagle, Oliver

Well, first we lost our sweet Daisy last Sept 27, 2014 and that was devastating enough. Soon after we noticed that Oliver was not acting right, and we figured he was mourning too. Fast forward to January 2015 and we noticed Ollie was limping. We took him to the vet and after tests were done (he was due for his annual anyways so blood, etc was taken as well), we discovered he had cancer in his leg, cancer in his chest and his kidneys were failing! The diagnosis was beyond devastating.

Here were all were still mourning Daisy, the only dogs I personally ever owned, so for me this hit especially hard. When I asked the vet how long she thought Ollie had, her reply was "less than 6 mos", and that was on Jan 23, 2015. Well, it would be only 10 days later that we'd lose him.

Over those ten days we watched our beloved dog throw up, not eat, he couldn't hardly walk and was losing weight by the day, literally. Not having been prepared for Daisy's passing, we didn't get the opportunity to 'put her down peacefully', Daisy died in my husbands arms gagging and choking and suffering.

Ollie had his good and bad days. The dr gave him meds that helped with appetite and pain, and while he'd perk up one day, the next day he'd be lethargic and bed ridden once again. Having to be carried outside to do his business. On two difference occasions we made an appt to put him down, but nearly when the time came to do so he'd eat, and we'd call the vet and cancel. We couldn't believe how fast Ollie deteriorated over 10 days. When the realization came that he wouldn't make it to see Spring, I fell into a depression.

All my family did was cry and show Ollie how much he was loved. We simply could not believe we'd lose both dogs within 4 months. February 1st came and Ollie hadn't eaten. I had fluids at home from the vet to give him at home, and all sorts of meds. I kept him warm and comfortable the best i could and asked everyone to keep the house quiet. I laid on the floor with Ollie so he wouldn't be alone. I told him over and over how much I loved him and apologized for the days I yelled at him. I suppose we all make those terrible mistakes, not being perfect.

So on Feb 1st I told my husband that I thought the time was getting closer. Ollie was now going to the bathroom in the house. He had no energy to walk. When my husband picked him up to take him outside he'd cry out. His eyes were lifeless. It was so heartbreaking. He had lost so much weight. The meds didn't seem to help anymore. On the morning of February 2nd I called the vet and said it was time. I couldn't believe this would be our last day with Ollie. None of this seemed real and all we had been doing for 4 months since Daisy died was cry. At this point Ollie hadn't eaten in nearly 48 hrs. The fluids I gave him by needle under the skin did nothing, I had been giving him water with a dropper. I did everything I could think of to help him. I kept thinking, how do we really know when the right time is? Goodness I didn't want to rush into anything, but I also didn't want him to suffer. At 7:28 am Feb 2nd 2015 I took a final picture of him. His brown eyes staring into mine.

We got to the vet about 10am. I asked for Ollie to be sedated because he hated the vet and was always very nervous there. He deserved to be as comfortable as possible. We had Ollie wrapped in a big comfy towel and I held him in my lap- I refused to lay him onto a cold metal table. In my arms was where he was meant to be, I wouldn't allow him to go through this alone. Ollie seems to love me best, and my husband agreed I'd be the one to hold him. Ollie was my shadow, following me around everywhere.

My husband was there with me. Our boys couldn't handle the idea of watching him be put down and I told them that it was okay. They are in their 20's, and had already said their goodbyes. I held Ollie close to my chest, stroking his fur to remember how he felt. I spoke to him. The Dr administered the sedative. It took 5 min or so to take affect. Ollie's eyes began to get sleepy. I hugged him tight, talking to him and crying. My husband was crying. Then the doctor came in with the 2nd needle that would finalize this terrible day. I felt myself become overwhelmed, because as the Dr prepare to give that 2nd shot, I knew I only had seconds left with Oliver, and then he'd be gone forever. I said to Ollie as the 2nd shot was injected, "mommy loves Ollie". Ollie's legs twitched a little and then he was gone. Ollie went to heaven about 10:20 am. My husband and I were hysterical crying.

I kept stroking Ollie's body knowing I'd never be able to touch him again. Ollie looked as if he was sleeping in my arms, so peaceful. No more pain. Our pain was so overwhelming I was not well. Mentally, physically & emotionally I felt destroyed. Losing this little dog crushed me from the inside out. Losing both him and Daisy made me angry and depressed.

After spending some time with Ollie we laid him upon the table. I didn't want to remember him this way, lifeless and cold. We gave him our final kisses and said goodbye one last time. We walked out of the office utterly changed. We lost 2 dogs that added so much love and happiness to our lives. When we got home it was empty and quiet. My husband and I just broke down and cried.

We had Daisy individually cremated and we did the same for Ollie. We have an urn here for them. Every day all I did was cry. I'm home alone most of the time now and it's a constant reminder of Daisy & Ollie, and it put me into a state of depression. I sometimes sleep with Ollie's blanket and him and Daisy's pillows. I hug Ollie's favorite stuffed toy and imagine it's him (it's a stuffed animal, beagle). My husband has his moments where he breaks down. We decided it would be a long time before we'd adopt again, I felt I couldn't offer another animal anything right now. Besides, we could use the financial break. So many emotions overcame us, I see Daisy and Ollie everywhere, in every room, when I look out the back window, in the back seat of my car, just everywhere, and it hurts, real bad.

Some pictures of our sweet Ollie...

Daisy & Ollie playing

me and Daisy & Ollie

Ollie & Daisy 2010

Ollie young and healthy

Ollie and me Jan 2015

Ollie and me Jan 23 2015

Joe and Ollie Jan 26 2015

Andrew and Ollie Jan 25 2015

Bobby and Ollie Jan 29 2015

Feb 2 2015 Ollie's last pic about 7:28am. At about 10:20 am he went to heaven.

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